Saying Goodbye to my Inner Perfectionist! ...with the help of a Pastel de Nata.

I’m currently in Porto doing a bit of exploring and relaxing, and enjoying the ability to work and see clients from my very sunny balcony. However, I am not writing this email to brag. 
 
Earlier in the week I did a Pastel de Nata making class (when in Rome, and all that) and I realised how far my inner perfectionist had come. 
 
Doing this class previously, well, I probably wouldn’t have even done it. I have no confidence in the kitchen and to be honest find it quite stressful. I was previously always overwhelmed by trying to reach the perfect end result that would make everyone happy (throw some people pleasing in too to amplify the stress). And I never ever enjoyed the process of getting to the end result that always fell short of my sky high expectations. 
 
However, on Wednesday morning I wandered into Porto and took part in the class. Firstly, Theresa who led the class was brilliant, funny, encouraging, and an excellent host. And I quickly realised that I was just happy to be there and enjoy the ride! I didn’t give the end result a second thought. Or a first thought for that matter. Throughout the class I had no interest at all in getting it right, I was just there with a curious mind and happy to see how it went while having fun along the way. And then when told to stir the cream and to keep stirring and not stop, but take it off the heat as soon as it starts to thicken, I stirred and stirred and stirred… totally forgot the bit about taking it off the heat, burnt the cinnamon stick which then broke to bits and ruined the whole thing. Now this wasn’t just my Pastel de Nata that was at stake, this was a group activity where we all had our part to play in the overall recipe. So basically, I’d ruined everyones pastel de nata… 
 
A few years ago panic would have set in, shame, embarrassment, guilt, I’d have gone hot and anxious and I’d have wanted to get out of there ASAP. 
 
This time, I laughed. My mind and body felt calm, and I just laughed. I continued to enjoy myself as Theresa reassured me that it happened all the time and she’d very quickly whip up a new batch to replace my ruined one. No one was mad at me, no one thought less of me, we just laughed. And then we continued to shape the pastry, drink port, and chat. 
 
I could so easily have ruined that experience for myself by desperately chasing an unobtainable result. And once upon a time I would have. But now, it’s a calm and enjoyable experience… and it all worked out in the end. I had 3 delicious pastéis de nata, connected with lovely, interesting people from all over the world, and enjoyed a really fun and calm experience. 
 
I was with my mum who’s a chronic perfectionist (I learnt from the best) so it was extremely eye opening to see our responses to this experience play our side by side. More on this another time.