The Overthinker's Guide to Finding Clarity and Calm
If you’ve ever felt like your mind is in overdrive and if anyone knew what was going on in your head, they’d think you were crazy… You are not alone. Overthinking is an extremely common habit and can derive from various places. Today we’ll look at what overthinking is; where it can stem from; how it impacts us; and a few ways to begin breaking the habit to move to a place of calm and balance.
What is overthinking?
Overthinking is a cognitive habit characterised by the excessive and often obsessive contemplation of thoughts, situations, or problems. It involves repeatedly analysing, dissecting, and second-guessing various aspects of a situation, often dwelling on the past, worrying about the future, or getting lost in hypothetical scenarios. Overthinkers tend to focus on perceived mistakes, uncertainties, and potential negative outcomes, which can lead to increased stress, anxiety, and reduced decision-making abilities. This persistent rumination can have detrimental effects on our mental and emotional well-being, as well as hinder productivity and personal relationships. Recognising and managing overthinking is crucial for maintaining a healthy and balanced mindset.
Why do we overthink?
There are multiple reasons we may overthink. It may be habitual or situational, and it may derive from past experiences, or be an innate mechanism stemming back to our caveman ancestors who often found themselves in life-or-death situations. Below are some examples that may cause overthinking:
A coping mechanism designed to stay in control
We try to pre-empt future scenarios in order to mentally prepare ourselves for any given scenario. The future is the unknown which often brings fear, so we try to second guess it in order to take control.
A safety mechanism
This is often seen in ‘worst-case scenario’ overthinking. We simply prepare ourselves for a worst-case scenario in order better navigate it. There is also a very underlying safety mechanism in the critical inner voice... Telling ourselves we can’t do something is a tactic to avoid failure – if we don’t try, we can’t fail.
To make sense of the world
The world is a crazy place that, for a plethora of reasons, sometimes just does not make sense. Re-hashing experiences and conversations allows us to try and make sense of things.
Lack of self-trust, confidence and low self-esteem
Oof. This is a big one. We overthink, question, plan for worst case scenarios when we don’t have the trust or confidence in ourselves to handle what may come our way.
Perfectionism
Those of us with perfectionist tendencies will overthink because we have high standards and fear making mistakes. We may obsess over getting everything exactly right, which can lead to excessive rumination on details and potential errors.
Voice of a critical parent
This may not always be a parent, but we may carry the critical voice of someone significant to us throughout our lives, believing what they told us to be true. Over time this voice is internalised and can feel as though it is our own.
Let me take a moment to tell you this…
You can’t control the past or the future. You handled that situation the best you knew how, and you can handle any challenges that come your way.
You can and you will. A client put it beautifully earlier this week… “You can! You don’t have to today, but you can and don’t you dare let that voice in your head tell you you can’t!” You are good enough; you’re doing the best you can with what you have. Stop being mean to yourself.
Peoples minds are so full of the same stuff as ours, it’s highly likely that the thing you think they’re thinking hasn’t even crossed their minds. What do you know to be true, and what is a story you’re telling yourself?
You don’t have to hold everything in your head. Your thoughts feel and sound different when said out loud. Your thoughts feel and look different written down.
The voice in your head isn’t always telling you the truth, and it’s not always your voice. Question it before you believe it.
How to quiet the mind:
Observe
Notice the patterns of your thoughts. What are the nature of your thoughts? At what times of day do you overthink? Is there anything that prompts or triggers overthinking?
Work with the patterns
Once you know your patterns you can begin to implement change. For example, if you notice your overthinking occurs mostly when your trying to fall asleep is there a change you can make to your evening routine? If your overthinking tends to focus on the opinions of others, how can you begin to shift your focus?
Fact or Fiction
I mention this quite often as it was a game changer for me. Are the thoughts racing through your head based on fact or are they a story you are telling yourself.
Who’s voice is it?
Is the voice coming from a past version of you that, in trying to protect you, is holding you back. Is the voice coming from a critical parent that you no longer need to listen to? Identifying who’s voice it is can prevent us internalising it and taking it on as own.
Practice
It will take time to undo overthinking or negative thinking. It will take consistent practice of observing, questioning, and changing the narrative.
Trust yourself
You do know what to do. Listen to your body, your gut, your heart.
Consider relationships
If there’s a particular person that triggers overthinking does something need to change in this relationship?
Overthinking is a pervasive and often debilitating habit that affects many of us in various aspects of our lives. It can be a significant source of stress, anxiety, and self-doubt, hindering personal growth and well-being. However, by understanding the nature of overthinking, recognising its triggers, and implementing practical strategies for change, you can regain control over your thought processes and start down the path to mental clarity and emotional balance. Remember, you have the power to challenge the stories in your head, question the critical voices, and trust yourself. By taking these steps, you can break free from the chains of overthinking and embark on a journey towards a more peaceful and confident mindset.
To talk more about overthinking and how we can work together to break this habit down to find calm and balance click here!