I have a New Routine!
...My year of finding MY rhythm.
As I mentioned last week, I was a competitive dancer as a child. My life had a rigid routine of school, dance classes, exams, competitions, music lessons and so on. I know how privileged I am to have had this experience and I absolutely loved it all (even though some of it contributed to crippling perfectionism and a slightly warped sense of self).
Ever since I’ve been quite routine driven. I like the same things to happen week by week. If my working hours were changed, I’d always struggle through the initial adjustment then revel in the new routine. If a yoga studio closed and I needed to change my yoga schedule I’d have a few days of despair, then I’d settle into the new rhythm.
I found safety in the predictability.
Then I went self-employed. There was no routine, I was on my own.
I soon recognised that it would be good for me to lose my attachment to the predictability I once knew and find my own ways of doing things, connect to my natural energy flow and rhythm. So, I’ve now spent almost a year doing exactly that. Day by day pondering what I want to do, then doing it. No pressure, no expectation, just a couple of non-negotiables to keep things in check. I could mould my day around my clients and yoga classes. Every week was different, and I’ve had to be very conscious of finding the balance within that, allowing things to ebb and flow.
Of course, there were some important lessons along the way…
I had to recognise and trust that I am driven enough to get the work done even without an external structure. I had to break down the fear that without the external pressure I’d get ‘lazy’.
I had to recognise my tendency to put too much pressure on myself. I had to listen in and know what was enough.
I also had to give myself a break. Prior to going self-employed I’d gone through redundancy. A brutal process that too many of us are familiar with. And I had to recognise that I needed to recover from that.
And I learnt that working 8 hours consecutively 5 days a week between 9 and 5 does NOT work for me, but that it is also a mentality that’s difficult to let go of.
Through this process of, quite frankly, doing whatever the hell I wanted (within reason) I gained confidence, inner trust, a deeper knowledge of what works for me, and a deeper knowledge of what’s important to me.
Then, a handful of weeks ago the lack of structure and predictability wore thin. I started to feel unsettled, agitated, and after a bit of soul searching, I realised it was time to create a new routine.
The new routine is a thing of beauty. A colour coded excel spreadsheet no less. It is a culmination of everything I've learnt this year about myself and my way of working. It works for my natural rhythm. It is baggy enough to live in. It prioritises rest, and time to think. It allows me to be the best I can be for my clients, working at mutually beneficial times. It keeps me focussed on what’s important, and what's essential. It has me feeling confident, calm, balanced.