What is happiness, really?...and how do we get it?

This question raises it’s head frequently and is always followed by a fascinating discussion with ever changing perspectives. And this conversation is often underpinned by a need or desire to reach ‘happiness’ as a constant state of being. 
 
I find the idea of happiness a fascinating topic. In our society we often pin happiness on external things… jobs, finances, holidays, material things, even other people. And then we feel that if we have these things we ‘should’ (there’s that word again) be happy. And if we’re not happy there must be something wrong. But ‘should’ we be happy? 
 
I wonder if what we’re really looking for is contentment. 
 
I believe that happiness is an emotion that comes and goes - just like sadness, excitement, anger, and fear - rather than a constant state of being. And of course external things can make us feel temporarily happy, as can many internal things. But in order to find a ‘happy’ life in the way we often think about, it’s contentment that we need to connect with. 
 

Contentment

In buddhism contentment is seen as an abiding calm. Like a tree so firmly rooted that even in the strongest winds it may sway but it still remains firmly grounded.
 
When we are pushed to our limits with external things, can we stay grounded? Can we allow each moment to be what it is without seeking to change or control it? Can we accept and sit in our emotions, good or bad? 
 
Of course it’s easier to find contentment in the good times, in the little moments of joy that life brings, but can we accept the hard times too for what they are, and let go of the expectation that they should be something else? 
 
From a place of contentment we can find acceptance, gratitude, and experience the full range of human emotions that life brings, safe in the knowledge that the moment is what it is, it can’t be anymore, and it can’t be any less. From contentment we can find happiness, we can allow sadness, we can experience pure joy and excitement, and allow boredom and upset. 

How do we find contentment? 
 
Notice when you find yourself focused on the next thing, rather than being in the present moment
At the start of every yoga class I invite the students to take a moment to arrive in their practice, knowing that anything beyond their mat can now wait. We’ve all been in a situation where we are there in body, but our mind is on the to do list, or what’s coming next.
 
Notice if you put your happiness on something external
So often we place our happiness on being on holiday, a new purchase, another person, or status… I’ll be happy when I have that job title, that salary. But what about when we get home from holiday? What if those things are stripped away from us? Can we still be content? 
 
Sit with your emotions, good or bad
If we can allow ourselves to experience the full spectrum of emotions, we learn we are safe to feel bored, angry, sad, excited, joyful, happy. And through this we can find contentment no matter how we feel, knowing these emotions are simply an ever-changing part of the human experience. 
 
Practice gratitude for what is
If we shift our gaze to all that we have, rather than all that we feel we are lacking, we become more able to accept what is without always seeking more. 

 

"Contentment is falling in love with your life."
- Swami Rama 

How might you find more contentment in life? And how might you find more happiness?