Decisions Decisions: ...What do you truly want?
Last week I wrote about shoulds vs wants, and how living based on ‘shoulds’ can leave us feeling dissatisfied, burn out, or a little lost. (You can read it here). In the words of a fab client of mine, we now know that ‘shoulds’ are sh**! And we know that to lead a fulfilling life we need to connect to what we truly want and desire.
However, when we are so used to navigating life based on ‘shoulds’, how do we even know what we want? I’ve spoken this week with clients about how, once the external expectations and pressures are removed, the limitless choice can feel overwhelming and impossible to navigate.
Where to begin?
Create Space for Self-Reflection
In a busy life filled with expectations and responsibilities, it can be hard to hear your own inner voice. Creating space for self-reflection is the first step toward reconnecting with what you want. Some journal, some meditate… I like to let myself daydream. Daydreaming while swimming is the ultimate for me, but sometimes it’s just taking a moment in the day to let my mind deliberately wander, to create a bit of space and see what comes up.
Identify and Question Your 'Shoulds'
Become aware of the ‘shoulds’ in your life and write them down. These might include things like “I should have a stable job,” “I should be more successful by now,” or “I should follow this career path because it's what’s expected.” Once you've identified them, ask yourself: “Where did this 'should' come from?” and “Does it truly align with what I want?” This process helps you recognise beliefs that may not actually serve your happiness and allows you to start letting go of those that don’t resonate with you.
Listen to Your Intuition and Body
Your body and emotions can be powerful indicators of what you truly want. Pay attention to how you feel when you think about or engage in different activities. Do you feel drained, stressed, or resistant? Or do you feel energised, fulfilled, and in flow? Your body’s reactions can help guide you toward choices that align more closely with your authentic desires. Trusting your intuition and learning to recognise feelings of excitement versus obligation can guide you back to what truly matters to you.
Seek Support or Mentorship
Having someone you trust can be invaluable to reconnecting to what you truly want. Someone impartial like a coach or mentor can be a great support during this process, and also speaking with friends and family you can trust to support your decisions and not try to steer them.
Allow Yourself to Change Course Without Guilt
Finally, remember that it’s okay to change course as you reconnect with what you want. What you discover may not align with the life you’ve built so far, and that can be unsettling. However, honouring your true desires often requires making adjustments, even if they’re small at first. Let go of any guilt or shame about deviating from the expectations set for you and embrace the freedom to pursue a path that feels more authentic. Change can be a sign of growth, not failure.
Reconnecting with what you want is about rediscovering your own voice and making choices that genuinely fulfil you. It’s a journey of self-discovery, and it’s never too late to start. The more you practice listening to yourself and acting in alignment with your true desires, the easier it becomes to let go of external influences and live a life that’s uniquely yours.
"Nothing is more difficult, and therefore more precious, than to be able to decide."
- Napoleon