Why New Years resolutions don’t work
...and how to make ones that do.
I mentioned a couple of weeks ago my disdain for the New Year, New Me trope.
I want to talk this week more specifically about New Years Resolutions. Whether you love to make them or, like me, you avoid making them at all costs, the good old new years resolution is rarely built to last. Towards then end of Jan we find ourselves falling short of our own expectations, breaking our own rules, and feeling defeated. Why?
1. They are often routed in Shame.
(Shame with a capitol S as it’s a huge feeling).
“I need to lose weight”; “I need to do more exercise”; “I need to eat less chocolate”; “I need to stop drinking”. These all come from a place of lacking, of ‘not enough’, ‘not good enough’, and from shame of past behaviour. I could talk for days about Shame, but ultimately it’s a feeling that causes us to withdraw, it tears down self-esteem, and kills motivation. Not what we need when we’re trying to implement lasting change.
2. They don’t work with our natural rhythms.
I mentioned a couple of weeks ago that I like to embrace change in March when my energy is lifted and creativity ignited. We each have our own natural rhythms, and setting resolutions at New Year isn’t right for all of us. Work with your rhythm. Maybe your Birthday is a nice time to set intentions, spring, a certain point in each month. But if you feel you ought to because it’s a new year… don’t.
3. Our motivation is unclear.
So often we make New Years resolutions based on what we feel we ‘should’ be doing. I should exercise more, I should learn a new language, I should drink less. But if we peel back a layer… why should we? Because other people are; because it’s a new year; because we feel ashamed about ourselves in some way (as above… not gonna work). Unless we have crystal clear, positive motivation for creating change we’re climbing an uphill battle.
4. Every bump in the road is a failure.
“I’m doing dry January” we say. Then we have one little drink and it’s all over. We failed. May aswell give up. We’re human and we’re not going to get it right all the time. That’s part of the fun of it.
5. Our inner critic gets involved.
The inner critic who loves to be right and knew we’d fail all along starts chirping in our ear and stripping away our confidence. See previous blog on ‘Silencing the inner critic’.
If the start of the year feels like a good time for you to create a change, how do you create a New Years resolution that sticks?
Avoid Shame as motivation.
Get crystal clear on your why! – I like to ask myself why 5 times to take my motivation 5 layers deep.
Work with your rhythm.
Allow for bumps in the road.
Quiet the inner critic.
Step back from the end goal and embrace the journey.
And lucky number 7… make your resolution baggy enough to live in.
If you need a helping hand, I'm here for you!